Sometimes You Can Learn A Lot At A Picnic

Yesterday I attended what may be the most bizarre picnic ever. It was at my friend Ang's house. I definitely learned some things at that picnic. Here are the highlights as I saw them. I of course am your host, Jim?

The picnic started out slow as people arrived and brought in their contributions to stomach fulfillment. The radio was on and later on we heard our favorite DJ "Ron". We all sat down and enjoyed the fresh air. I volunteered to be first shift griller. I cooked up some hot dogs and burgers. Hopefully everyone is still well. After a while Kylene decided that we needed to have an icebreaker. I was nervous till the category was announced then I was...not sure what it was, probably a mix of things. Anyway the category was "Where did you buy the outfit you are wearing?" First of all I can say for myself I have never had an outfit or been concerned how my butt looks in certain clothing. It was here we decided you could only talk while holding the ladyball ball. This rule actually helped. This icebreaker did lead to one of the things I learned. I had a pair of shorts with the Air Force Seal on them. Kylene observed that I bought them at the Air Force. That's right you can find the Air Force between Sears and the Auntie Annes kiosk. Anyway we finished that icebreaker, thankfully. We had a long discussion on what day it actually was, that never came to a conclusion. Another lesson I learned is that Konrad likes to share, good for you. We then had another icebreaker (thanks a lot Greg). This one though we guys could actually participate in. It consisted of 4 Qs: name, nickname, recent success and hot button topic. We made it through that one and then chose a physical challenge (thanks Double Dare). I brought out Snakes and Ladders and it was enjoyed by all. While playing this game however, let's say the comments got a little adult and leave it at that. Also the last game was called on account of rain. But before we moved inside I learned some disturbing lessons and became very grateful for the good neighbors I have. One of Ang's neighbors has cats at least one of them is named Oscar. I pray for Oscar now. This woman who is quite older than I came out of her house carrying a cat and then tied it to a tree. This while strange was trumped by what came next. This woman returned to her house and then came back out pushing a stroller. What was in the stroller? A baby NO, A FREAKIN CAT! Are you kidding me! I may be a little off but seriously c'mon. Then she rolled up to the cat tied to a tree put it on a leash and took them for a roll and walk respectively. It was nice that she color coordinated her hat and the stroller, both pink. Wow. Anyway eventually she returned home, but then lost Oscar. If you want my opinion that cat saw daylight, ran down to Rt 30 and hitched himself a ride to Canada. I don't like cats but no animal should be put through that. Where were we, oh yeah rain. So with rain on the way we moved the party inside and decided to play Chicken Foot. Yup now we learn some real lessons.

1) The funniest jokes are told by "Those Comedy Guys"; they are hysterical.
2) Firehouse had a lot more songs than I remember, I mean A LOT more. Hopefully Kylene isn't still waiting.
3) Kacie has very poor depth perception. That table really is that close.
4) Bubba has bladder issues that adult diapers can't control.
5) Kylene once had a tryout on American Idol, let's just say she didn't get past first day.
6) Bubba is asexual; you don't want to know.
7) If you get a friend request from Kylene you only have till Noon to reply. We don't know why.
8) Bubba sleeps on the top bunk and I sleep with an umbrella.
9) People sometimes don't like Kylene at first. I know that's just SHOCKING!
10) The smell of urine may or may not be affected by eating celery. I bet we could get a government grant for a study but do we really want to. Hey I'm not checking, that's a little gross.
11) Some people could be diagnosed with SFS or Swirling Frog Syndrome. Have you ever know someone that will randomly say random or inappropriate things well I now know the reason why, PHD & DR of Weird Stuff Bubba explained it. Picture their brain as a swirling mass of information tidbits. In the middle of the swirl sits a cross-eyed frog who randomly sticks out his tongue and grabs a piece of info and sends it to the mouth. There may be no known cure, but they are interesting people to have at a party.

We eventually finished the game and called it a night. I think we set a record for the number of times the phrase "I have to go pee or I will pee my pants" was said. I think we can all be proud of that.

So to Kim, Konrad, Dave, Amiee, Kylene, Kacie, Alex (Happy Belated Birthday), Tracy, Greg, Bubba, Ang and Ang's neighbor I say thanks and Happy Memorial Day.

PS I found this on the Internet. So yes there is a market for them. justpetstrollers.com.