The Game Without A Name

Recently when my Sister and Brother (In Law) came for a visit they brought a great new game. I don't know what the name is or if it has a name. However after last night it may forever be called "Giraffes don't make good pets.". After life group we were going to hang out and play games I suggested this game and we got started. The idea of the game is you get pieces of paper (1/4 sheet) and you write something on it, anything. Then the second person has to draw what you wrote, the third has to write the drawing and so on. And everyone is doing this at once. When it gets back to you then you reveal. That is when the fun really begins in this combination of pictionary and pass it down the line. Well amidst the "zoo arithmetic" and "purple gorilla" we had the basis for naming this game. The panels were written or drawn by: #1 Yours truly, #2 Kim, #3 Linda, #4 Dave and #5 Ang. This was so funny that Linda asked for a re-run at the end of the night. Enjoy and comprehend?

A Tribute To Ganges and Cassie (Kassee)

I have had some pets over the years but truly 2 stand out above the rest. Two dogs Ganges and Cassie (or Kassee).

We got Ganges years ago way before the Internet or blogs. She was a great dog. We thought she was named after the Ganges River in India, it was when we were older that we found out a bunch of frat boys named her after marijuana. She was a a lot of fun, more so because she wasn't the smartest puppy on the block. Many times my Dad and I would play sit-up lay-down and she always played along. Or the times when we would ask her "Who did this?" while pointing at nothing, maybe she had a guilty conscience because she always shied away. But we always gave her treats too. She had a knack for escaping the house and running for the creek or perhaps even the next county. Two memories stand out as my favorites the first was when she came barreling inside the house after my sister just cleaned the glass door. She hit it full speed and then walked in circles sneezing for a while. The other is the time we came home and found a video tape had been chewed up. Well we put Ganges out side and shortly after she had tape coming out both ends. Still one of the funniest things I have ever seen. Well as dogs do Ganges got older and less mobile. She was put to sleep and our family lost a dear friend.

After a while that void was filled by Cassie. Though the rest of my family spells it Kassee. Cassie arrived and was immediately a part of the family. And though I didn't think it was possible, she was dumber that Ganges. The memories I have are special. Like the fact we have a crop circle in the back yard due to her running full speed at the end of her chain. That bare spot in the lawn that she would visit daily. Cassie was also a big sports fan picking her own teams and picking weekly during football season. My mom still talks about the chocolate cupcake she never got to eat because Cassie was quicker. Cassie also liked to escape but most times had no step two once she got out. Usually she could be coaxed back in with a biscuit and a kind word. And though she ate many tissues, napkins and crumpled pieces of paper she was never foolish enough to swallow them. Or when she would get excited she would have to sneeze for some reason. And we couldn't drop her off for boarding without her dropping a load on the floor. My Dad many times over the years said Cassie was on her way out the door but she survived. That is until last night. Cassie was with our family for 10+ years and she was probably 3 when we got her. 13 or 14 is pretty old. She was having problems getting up and down, she had ear issues and some skin thing that the doctors couldn't quite figure out. It was her time. These dogs have been our companions, friends and family. I don't think it is an exaggeration that Friday night was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. The look in her eyes will be with me forever. Rest in peace friend. I will miss the fact that when the door opened rain or shine, hot or cold you were always there.

Cassie pics

Ski Round Top In The Summer

Last weekend 8 friends and I went to Ski Roundtop for their Roundtop Mountain Adventures. This trip was thanks to Ron. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Anyway we all met at Cory's around 8 am, though some were more awake than others. We grabbed a quick bite at McDonald's then we were on our way. We got to the mountain and got checked in. First we took the lift to the top to watch a group of four people set off on The Vertical Trek. On the way up I got stung by a bee in my arm pit. I think that bee may have had a death wish. I take some comfort in the fact that after he stung me he died. We were told it takes about 3 hours for the Vertical Trek and is a maze of zip lines down the mountain. We decided that we should do that sometime. Then it was back on the lift and down the mountain. Our next stop was The Woods, kind-of a mini zip line and ropes course. Then we went to check out the tubing and OGO balls. The tubing is self explanatory. Except to say due to lack of snow they soap up the under side of your tube. Then it was OGO ball time. Now what is OGO? Well it can refer to the trickster god of the Dogon people of Mali. This time however it stands for Outdoor Gravity Orb. It is a giant inflatable ball with another ball inside of it. They fill the inside ball partly with water zip it shut, then push you down the mountain. It is awesome. The first ones in our group to go were Ang, Val and Linda. As they went by all you heard were muffled sounds of screaming and laughter. I went by myself and therefore was able to bounce around inside quite a bit. When you get to the bottom you stick your feet out the hole they turn it down and the OGO ball gives "birth" to you. After that we went to the bumper boats. These boats had the squirt gun attachment. While there wasn't room to get good speed everyone got soaked. And one person in our group clearly laughed like a muppet high on cocaine, or what I imagine that would sound like. To avoid embarrassment I will not say her name here (but it starts with Aimee). Then we gathered ourselves up and headed home. On the way there was a cop holding up both lanes of traffic on the highway for some unknown reason. We stopped at the Around the Clock Diner for lunch. And among other things we had: coffee, a whole chicken, coffee, a pickle, coffee, scrapple, coffee, soup, coffee, hairy gravy, coffee, non-hairy gravy, coffee, eggs, coffee, bacon-cheeseburger, coffee and tea. What a day. Well I hope everyone has dried off by now.

Woody's Movie Review 32

This edition is jam packed with good movies.

I started with "Ffolkes" starring Roger Moore as a quasi-spy who is called after terrorists take over a ship and threaten to blow up 2 oil rigs. Anthony Perkins is also in this movie as one of the terrorists. Dang typecasting. 4 penguins.

Then I saw "The Last House on the Left" with Monica Potter and Tony Goldwyn. Monica and Tony are the parents of a girl who gets viciously attacked and left for dead. Then the attackers seek refuge from a storm with the parents, ohhhh. This is really good and make sure you watch the last scene. 4 penguins.

I also watched "Uptown Saturday Night" starring Bill Cosby, Sidney Poitier, Harry Belafonte, Flip Wilson and Richard Pryor. Cosby and Poitier and friends who go out for a good time and getting mugged instead. Among the items taken is the winning lottery ticket. $50,000 in 1974. So they set off to get it back. It doesn't go well, but it does go funny. 4 penguins.

And then we have "Taken" starring Liam Neeson. This movie proves the old saying "You don't mess with daddy's little girl, especially if daddy is highly trained and has global contacts to track you down and make you pay." Great movie, 5 penguins.

Lastly I remember seeing this movie a long time ago. "Scavenger Hunt", in order to get a large inheritance several groups of people must go looking very odd items, such as an ostrich. Among those starring in the movie is Tony Randall. 5 Penguins.

What Happens At The Nova Stays At The Nova...

UNTIL NOW! Seriously anyone who thought this wouldn't happen obviously doesn't know me very well. Plus I didn't pinky-swear. Oh boy here we go.

Last night I went to the Villa Nova West with some friends for dinner and...uhh...let's say hi-jinks. Here is some of what happened. I will keep them vague to protect the guilty.

Nickname appropriate gifts were handed out
The Mountain Dew went bad and tasted like Ginger Ale
Country music's biggest disappointment was mocked relentlessly
Some people went home with less leg hair than they arrived with
Some people are dart savants
There was dancing and singing to "Shoop"
Puerto Rican girls like Taylor Swift or Alan Jackson
Some people paid good money for no songs at all
Sometimes jokes can hurt (but people making jokes are SORRY and they meant no harm)
Some people discovered boundries
Principals like to go out and have fun too
Bartenders are attentive when whistled at
Karaoke can be painful
Some people know lots of "old school" rap songs
Don McLean is suing for destruction of a good song
That girl has been experimenting with recreational pharmaceuticals
That same girl may be a guy
Sometimes alcohol makes you repeat things
Eve 6 sings "Inside Out"
Some people are brave with other peoples lives and well being
Apparently PennDOT has added 2 extra lanes on Rt 30 between the Centerville exit and the Lititz pike exit

Well thanks to all who partied hardy at the Nova, you know who you are. And if you don't you must have had a better time than you thought.

My Faith In Country Music Restored

Recently a couple country songs got under my skin as a little inappropriate (see post "Just When I Thought It Was Safe To Listen To Country).

Well things are better now thanks to 3 songs in particular.

First Alan Jackson sings about the wonders of technology while saying "I still like bologna".

Then Steve Azar says there is too much month at the end of the money and yearns I need a cash cow I need a "Moolah Moo".

And last Tim McGraw apparently needs to reel Faith Hill in because she is spending money faster then he gets paid in "It's a business doing pleasure with you".

Woody's Movie Review 31

Yesterday I went to see "G.I. Joe" starring Channing Tatum, Marlon Wayans and Dennis Quaid among others. If you remember the cartoon then you may guess how this goes. Very bad guys trying to destroy/take over the world while good guys try their best to stop them. Gadgets that would make "Q" drool and enough explosions for anyone. Now that being said it gets a disappointing 3 penguins. It was good but I was expecting a lot more. Also the only other way they could have said there will be a sequel, would have been a large "THERE WILL BE A SEQUEL" sign at the end.

I also saw recently "The Mutant Chronicles" starring Thomas Jane. Apparently the world is in peril after it splits into 4 corporations who are at war with each other. As if that isn't bad enough someone lets the mutants out. Then a rag-tag group of misfits is sent to save the world. 2 penguins.

That got me thinking, why is it when the world is in trouble we always send a group of misfits and morons to save us...

Like in "The Dirty Dozen" starring Lee Marvin. There is a mission to kill a bunch of Nazi officers so where do we recruit? Why death row of course. 5 penguins.

What happens when there is a killer asteroid heading for the Earth? Well let's get a bunch of guys "I wouldn't trust with a potato gun." That is "Armageddon" with Bruce Willis and Ben Affleck. 5 penguins.

Or "Mystery Men" when a group of idiots and quasi super heroes including Ben Stiller goes off on a rescue mission. 1 penguin.

Or who better to win back fans of Texas State University than a bunch of walk-ons who can't catch a ball or run a play well. That is the story in "Necessary Roughness" with Scott Backula and Kathy Ireland. 5 penguins.

And lastly when a Space Ranger goes missing, do we call the cops? The FBI? The 82nd Airborne? NO, we go with the Piggy Bank, The Slinky Dog, Mr. Potato Head, The Dinosaur and of course Woody. "Toy Story 2", 5 penguins.

Games Rednecks Play

Recently I went to Buck Motorsports Park in well, The Buck. Now the Buck is well known for tractor pulls, tuff truck competitions, monster trucks, etc. However this night was a first for the Buck, combine demolition derby. THAT'S RIGHT I SAID COMBINE DEMOLITION DERBY! The announcer said he got a call this week that went something like this.

Buck employee "Hello, Buck Motorsports."
Female caller "What have you got going on there this week?"
Buck employee "Well we have combine demolition derby."
Female caller "Combined with what?"
Buck employee "Other combines."

Well confusion aside it was AWESOME!!! Well worth the $12.00 and the 2 extra exclamation points. Below are some pictures, I will probably put the rest on face book.

Combine Demolition Derby

Woody's Movie Review 30

This is a spine-tingly edition.

First up we have "Vacancy" starring Kate Beckinsale and Luke Wilson. Kate and Luke are a couple who get a little lost and then have some car problems. The good news - they find a motel; the bad news - there is no more good news. They are watched, stalked and harassed for the rest of the movie. It is worth a look at 3 penguins.

Also at 3 penguins is the prequel "Vacancy 2". This is the "How to run a motel while killing off your clientele" movie. It tells the weird story of how it all began.

Next is a really weird one. "Identity" is hard to explain without giving it away. John Cusack stars and it is real good. 4 penguins.

Last we have "Dead Calm" starring Nicole Kidman and Sam Neill. They play a couple who are relaxing on their boat, for a while anyway... 5 penguins.

Woody's Movie Review 29

Well I went to the library yesterday and grabbed a couple movies for free. And one of them against my better judgement was...

"Semi Pro" starring Will Ferrell. It wasn't as bad as I expected but there was more gratuitous cursing than I would have liked. Ferrell plays a basketball player for the Flint Tropics of the ABA. The ABA is about to fold and Ferrell tries everything to get the Tropic into the NBA. 2 penguins.

Of course I have been burned before by Will Ferrell...

I watched "Anchorman" where Ferrell is obviously an anchorman. It was not worth it and I felt dumber after. 1 penguin.

I also was very excited to go see "Talladega Nights" where Ferrell is a NASCAR driver. I was disappointed by the way this one turned out as well. 2 penguins.

Now I did enjoy "Kicking and Screaming" as Ferrell tries to coach a children's soccer team. His antics in the coffee shop are especially funny. 3 penguins.

And I did see "Bewitched" it was OK as a remake of the classic TV series. It had some funny parts and gets 2 penguins.

And because I liked the show Land of the Lost, I will see the movie but I am not getting my hopes up.

Apparently Your Priorities Can Be Off If You're A Manheim Township Cop

Yesterday I was coming back from a delivery and as I got near Park City I saw a strange thing in the grass near the Alcoa building. It looked like fresh tire tracks in the grass. As I got closer I saw what made those tire tracks a red pick-up that was parked way to close to a tree. I guess they either lost control or saw the tree falling and wanted to help. Now I was in the lane closest to the shoulder in the next lane was one of Manheim Township's finest. I looked over and was stunned at this cop driving by an obvious accident. But we must cut him some slack he was going to get his cruiser washed at Cloister. "Sorry sir I know that steering column is embedded in your abdomen, but my car is a little dirty." or "Listen I'd love to chase that murder suspect, but he just turned onto a dirt road and I just had this thing waxed." Remind me not to be in the need of assistance in Manheim Township.

I Wonder How Many Times Someone Said "Just Ducky"

Recently a bunch of people (and some I even knew) helped out at the 21st Annual Rubber Duckie Race and Festival. It was for a great cause and a lot of fun besides. Here is my recap of the day.

I got there and met up with some friends and my Dad. Linda quickly found Santa sat on his lap and asked for a pony. My Dad was working the Ducko booth with Margie from my life group in the am (I told him no stories and I'm keeping my fingers crossed). Ducko is like Plinko from the Price is Right (don't forget to spay and neuter your pets). Linda was working the ping pong ball toss (we've all seen this at county fairs across the country) although the goldfish were imaginary. The rest of us Ang, Kim, Cory, Tyler and I made our way down to the Dinghy Derby Race. This is just a raft race. 4 people in each raft and 2 rafts race at a time. We were there to stop the rafts and help the people out then we had to hand them up to the shoreline. Who knew a raft full of air could be that heavy. Cory and I both lost our sunglasses at one point or another but rest assured we found them later. Well after the races were over and I found that tire, we took a break. Music was provided in the interim by Dave and Aimee on banjo and guitar respectively. Although as a hick being in the river with banjo music playing made me a little nervous. After I had my cholesterol boost in the form of a funnel cake it was back to the river for the main event. We received our instructions from Ralph, put on our life vests and waited. Eventually there was a cannon blast and the ducks were in the river. About 25 minutes later they finally got to us. Now once they crossed the line we had 10 people assigned to grab the top ten ducks (although if we would have Low Jacked the ducks it would have helped) then I was to grab a large flock for a random drawing. Then it was off to grab the other 24,940 ducks. We spread out and loaded them into canoes then the canoes had to go to shore and were emptied into barrels. My legs and arms were sore after that. I helped out with cleanup for a while then headed to my Jeep. At this point the rain we had been worried about showed up in the form of a torrential downpour. I went home and after 3-4 showers I was ready for dinner. I met Kim, Linda and Ang at Prudhomme's for some fried gator. After we got kicked out of there we went bowling. I for one went 1-1-1 over 3 games. If you go to Columbia to bowl check out the mutated bowlers depicted on the walls, a little freaky. All in all a good day. Plus I heard the total for the Duckie Race was around $133,000 raised, Woo Hoo! See you next year. I am in the picture at the top along with my fellow duck wranglers.

My New Motto

Truer words may never have been spoken.

I Would Like To See Gender Specific Subtitles

Recently I went to see a chick flick. It wasn't my idea (see Woody's Movie Review 27). Anyway the next day I was talking to the ladies I went to see this movie with and had to ask them a question. See in the movie they referenced a decoupage box. And I am sitting there confused, I held in the urge to yell out "What the heck is decoupage?!". It was explained to me that it is a box with pictures glued on it. Some sort of artsy craftsy thing like you make at summer camp I guess. Anyway I know there are husbands, boyfriends, fiances and just guys who made a bad decision who will see this movie and others like it. I think they could put a subtitle down at the bottom saying what a decoupage is. Then us guys would not be so confused, and we could talk about it later. "Wow wouldn't some pictures of Julia Roberts or Halle Berry make a good decoupage?". And if it helps us we could help you ladies. Let's say you go with us to see some kill everybody action flick. And in the movie they reference the F-22. On the bottom of the screen it would tell you that the F-22 is the USAF's new fighter from Lockheed Martin codenamed the Raptor. Then you could talk about it later. "Wow that Raptor looks fast." See everybody will win once gender subtitling catches on. Until then I guess I will have to guess what bedazzling your jean jacket means.

This Is Lager Talk, Now What's Grindin' Your Gears?

Today on Lager Talk we discuss the American Automobile. We aren't discussing makes and models, we're discussing how many people can't operate one. So I have compiled a list of helpful hints that will keep me from snapping one day and ramming my Jeep into the driver's side door of your vehicle.

#1 - That little stick on your steering column operates your turn signals. They are there oddly enough so that you may indicate that you are going to turn. TRY USING THEM! But it must be noted that just because you signal, it doesn't mean that magically there is an opening there.

#2 - Speaking of turns, many places there is a lane between the lanes of traffic. This is a turn lane, fascinating. Now if you are going to use this lane get your vehicle completely in the lane before braking or (even worse) stopping. That lane is there so that I don't have to jam on my brakes just because you need another fancy-pants coffee.

#3 - Now I hate to be ageist, but if you are advanced in years SPEED UP! I would think that those with less time left would be burning up the road in a Ferrari or Lamborghini, not going 15 mph under the speed limit in a 1976 Cadillac ElDorado.

#4 - And as far as those white rectangular signs with the numbers on them, that's the speed limit. So it is your right to drive under the limit. But if you do don't be surprised at the evil looks and odd hand gestures thrown your way. If you are driving the limit you get no argument from me. And if I am driving the limit and you tailgate well I will set the cruise right on and watch you boil over. Then laugh if you pass me in front of one of Pennsylvania's finest and get pulled over for a chat.

#5 - Some traffic lights have a "no turn on red" sign attached. But if it isn't there then that means YOU CAN TURN RIGHT ON RED! Recently I saw a vehicle with the bumper sticker "This vehicle does not turn right on red." All I could think was WHY NOT?!

#6 - Just because you like NASCAR doesn't mean you're in a race. If only everyone left 5 min earlier we wouldn't have this problem. And if you think tailgating me at 60 mph is going to make me pass someone quicker so you can get by. Well I hope you enjoy the wait.

#8 - When there are two lanes merging, it is my belief that the continuing lane has the right of way. In other words I don't HAVE to let you in. Now most times I will let one person in. But if I see you speeding up just to cut over I will match speeds so you don't get ahead of me.

#9 - How courteous I am to other drivers has a direct correlation to where they are from and what bumper stickers or decals they are showing. New York, New Jersey and California have long waits ahead of them.

#10 - Put down your cell phone, newspaper, food or make-up and DRIVE! I saw a car once that had a bumper sticker that said "Put down your phone and drive.". I found this interesting as the guy driving was chatting away on his cell phone.

That's all for Lager Talk. Next time on Lager Talk...choose a team moron!

Woody's Movie Review 28

Well here we are again. I should start by saying this was not my choice. Last night I went with two very well dressed friends to see "The Proposal". Now I know what you are thinking, "Woody...why?". Well I made an agreement, and if I make a commitment I follow through. Now the details of this agreement in my opinion got a little off track but oh well. The basics were two female friends of mine go see a guy movie and I agree to see a chick flick. Now "The Proposal" wasn't all bad. It was funny in parts and I laughed. And the parts that weren't funny, well I felt pain because I kept getting hit. Now there are stars in this movie, Sandra Bullock, Ryan Reynolds, Craig T. Nelson, Mary Steenburgen and Betty White. But I say the Oscar goes to Kevin. Kevin is the Samoyed puppy that almost gets eaten by an Eagle. So what would I rate this movie? Well it wasn't as bad as "Sound of Music" but it wasn't as good as "Rambo" So I give it 3 penguins because it made me laugh.

Now for my choice we went to see "Terminator Salvation" starring Christian Bale, Sam Worthington and Moon Bloodgood. This movie has it all. A good story, awesome terminators old and new, Arnold shows up, explosions a-plenty and that Moon is definitely easy on the eyes. I give it 5 penguins.

Now will I make another agreement?...maybe but I am making some rules first.