Just When I Thought It Was Safe To Listen To Country

Now I know country music isn't perfect. There have been some songs that just stunk like anything Reba McEntire ever did. Anyway until recently I thought we may be immune to the ultra weird and fairly disgustuing songs that other genres have. Then I heard 2 songs on the radio. The first is "Rockin' the Beer Gut" by the Trailer Choir. This song is a tribute to women who have and I quote "extra love around her waist". I think that's a bit inapropriate. The second is "Bobbi With an I" by Phil Vasser. This song is a transvestite tribute with lyrics like "He isn't just one of the guys, In his pink party dress, You never would guess, He benches 335". Well I for one hope this is not a growing trend. And I know some of you are thinking "Hey it's all in fun." Well not for me.

This Is Lager Talk, Now What's Grindin' Your Gears?

That's right its Lager Talk. See if I want a talk show I have to use the Internet. Because if you want to be on radio or TV apparently you need a degree. Like I need a freakin' communications degree to communicate! I've been communicating since I was 1 1/2 and I didn't need to go to college to do it! But that's another topic for another day.

When I was asked to do this, it was suggested as a coffee talk show. Well for my first episode I'll discuss a little thing called coffee. First of all there are only 3 things that belong in coffee: sugar, milk and a spoon. You take your flavored creamers, your Splenda, your sweet and low, and any dang whipped cream and throw em' out. This is America and you have the right to choose. However it is apparent that some of you chose poorly. Mr half-caff, double foam, extra cinnamon, Egyptian blend with Swiss skim milk and a scone on the side. I wonder if Starbucks is adding estrogen to make you order that way. Man Up! Coffee should take only two syllables to order. Something like this:

Waitress - "Can I get you something to drink?"
Customer - "Yeah, how bout' a Yuengling on tap."
Waitress - "Sir, it's 7:30 in the morning."
Customer - "Fine just a coffee then."

See just that simple. If all goes according to plan Starbucks will file bankruptcy by the end of the week. I will then buy all their stores at a discount price and open a chain of...you guessed it Lager Houses. And when they come in crying for their Starbucks we smack em' and give em' a lager on the house. Cause once they're hooked I'll be rich.

That's all for Lager Talk, our topic for next time "You better use your turn signal cause my car's paid for and I have great insurance."

Woody's Movie Review 27

Today we start "The Pink Panther" starring Steve Martin and Jean Reno. Martin plays in the role of Inspector Clouseau. The fabulous Pink Panther has gone missing and it is up to Clouseau to solve the crime. I must say that there is no topping the original but Martin definitely does a good job and gets 4 penguins.

Also we have "The Pink Panther 2", yet again the Pink Panther is missing and Steve Martin reprises his Clouseau to solve the crime. Again 4 penguins. And when they get to the kitchen I had to play it over several times.

Also I saw "Bolt" with among others the voice of John Travolta. Bolt is a action hero dog who believes he is actually an action hero. When he is separated from his costar a young girl, he sets off to "save" her. Pretty good for all ages. 4 penguins. That hamster is hilarious.

Lastly we have "Chaos" starring Wesley Snipes and Jason Statham. Statham plays a detective trying to solve a major bank robbery, or is he? Very suspenseful. 4 penguins.

Crab Fest 2009

Recently my friend Kim invited me to a Crab Fest. Crab Fest is an annual event that is attended by Kim her family, co-workers and friends. I agreed as it sounded like fun. Well the day arrived and I made my way to Ephrata to meet Kim. I arrived and met Kim and her two cats (two cats and only 3 eyes, a little creepy). Anyway we watched "Deadliest Catch" while we waited for Ang and Cory. Ang and Cory got there and we headed out. I sure hope that fisherman was OK. We got to Kim's sister Heather's house and there was already a large crowd. I met some new people including Kim's Mom and Step-Dad, Kim's Dad, Kim's sister Heather and her husband Clint. After we sat for a little while we were advised it was crab time. We went and found a place and started "Crustacean Devastation" (good one Cory). I being a novice got advice from Cory and it worked out well. Crab is a tasty treat but there is work involved. You have to get them open, then get past the "mustard", the lungs and what looked like pasta but probably wasn't. I myself did pretty well, I did wake up with more scrapes on my thumbs than I had thought though. So after we made a mess of guts and shells, we went to relax. It was a nice evening and the conversation was good. After it got dark we were treated to a fireworks display choreographed to music. It was real good and those neighbors better go back to the drawing board for next year. Later we were able to see the Ephrata fireworks from the front lawn. Well at this point most people headed home except a few brave souls. The topics of conversation definitely went in another direction. At the end of the night there were Awards. Now I don't know most of the people they gave the Awards to, so I have my own Awards.

Best Squeal - Heather, Best Storm Window Operator - Clint, Best Chair Shopper - Sarah, Best Wrestling Match - Ang vs Clint, Best Uncomfortable Dancer - Kim, Comfiest Chair - Cory, Best Gender Disguising Hat - The Crab Hat, Best Meal - Boiled Hot Dogs, Best Drink - Hot Dog Water With Chocolate Syrup, Best Difference Between Kim & Heather - You'll Probably Never See Kim Prance, Best Gift - Garlic Mashed Potatoes & The Phrase I Heard The Most - A tie between: Are You Sure You Don't Want a Chair & "Kim do I have time to go pee?" Heather.

Well I did have fun I suppose and I learned some things I didn't know, like Kim has never cooked hot dogs for herself. She is sooo missing out. Anyway hopefully my thumbs will heal up soon.

Job Aplications

Have you filled out a job application online lately. Man they are strange. I recently filled one out and after the usual stuff, name, address, employment history. They had this quiz with questions to evaluate prospective employees. I understand why they do it, but some of the questions are real weird. For example do you Agree, Strongly Agree, Disagree or Strongly Disagree with the following statement: You get angry more than nervous. What the heck does that even mean?! I would love to answer if only I knew how. Oh well hopefully I gave them the right answer.